A Decade of Change

 A decade does a lot to a person.  This year I am claiming my first grey hairs, achy joints, weight gain, and chin hairs I get to pluck along the way.  Huzzah!  Oh, dear old age.  You silly goose.  

With age hopefully comes wisdom.  Growth.  Healing.  Peace.

Every so often I look back at who I was so many years ago and wonder what that version of me was thinking.  

I look at where I am now and can say I am happy for what I have endured, though I still wouldn't wish my tribulations upon others.  Through it all, however, my character remains unchanged.  My ideals, my heart, my compassion, my honor, they still pulse strongly through my veins.  Perhaps even more strongly.

I overcame.  I was the one that got hit down, repeatedly, and kept standing up.  I was broken.  I didn't understand the dark side of human nature.  I was naive.  Too trusting.  I thought others thought like me... they don't.  They have their own way of interpreting the world.  It isn't always logical.  I may never fully understand people, but I can accept them better now.  

I have learned detachment.  I can walk away from things that no longer serve me. 

I can't change others.  They have to make those changes themselves.  I will always hope they learn, grow, and excel, but I have let go of the expectation they will.  Though I do love a pleasant surprise when another overcomes their own limiting beliefs.  

I have changed.  I hope to continue to change. People didn't think I could.  They were wrong.

They judged me when the world was against me.  They judged me after I was figuratively hit by a train, tortured, taken advantage of, and they thought, "Oh, look what a mess she is.  She holds no value."  Then they discarded me.  

I healed, though.  Not overnight.  There were huge surges of pain.  Just as one would take months to heal from a broken leg, it took just as long to heal my soul and become strong again.  I healed not because I was defective.  I healed because people purposefully hurt and tried to break me.  That damaged me.  It was never a reflection on my value.  It was a reflection on their own character and how they treated others.  

Along the way I found peace.  I don't have everything figured out, but I found contentment in living a quiet life.  I contribute to society and work hard. I can care for my two precious men.  My sons.  Both adults now.  Spending quality time with them whenever I can. Time I once had to fight for. We are family now.

I see the world differently.  I watch people... and people watch me.  Like Dana O'Leary.  I was confused to see her follow me last year on Tik Tok.  A silly app I downloaded to look at things my college son sends me.  She is my single follower.  How funny.  I wonder what her motive is.  Why she popped back up on my radar.  I may never know.  Hello Dana.  I see you.

A decade of change.  I may have grey hairs, but I am so much more than I was ten years ago.  

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