White Blank Page

White Blank Page.  Mumford & Sons.  ​

I don’t know why I woke up with this song in my head swirling around, like I had recently been listening to it… yet I hadn’t.  Perhaps someone else was thinking of me and listening to it instead.  Or perhaps it was my mind playing tricks on me… but… no. I don’t want you to go away

I wonder what happened to you.  Why this song?  Is this why you are avoiding me?  Are you trying to protect me from yourself?

There is a lot of brokenness in this world.  I see more clearly now.  Shanna 2.0 comes with perspective and insight, but it cost.  It took my time in Texas, a spontaneous ‘awakening’, Dark Night of the Soul, or an existential crisis to really define my new self.  

I got to know myself along the way, and to fully see humans as they were, not the naive version of the world that Shanna 1.0 knew.  

It took me time to integrate the pain, but it has given me compassion that is softer than many realize.  I think you are seeing me now.

White Blank Page.  

Was this about us, our history?  Is this how you felt?  Not quite… 

Was it about some other woman, someone that got away?  And I am the blank page?  

I first heard Mumford and Sons years ago.  It was actually Little Lion Man that played over a station I was listening to that made me stop.  I cried.  I had to know this new group.  Rich. Meaningful.  Raw.  So I was already quite familiar with this album….

Interesting contrast between these two songs, don’t you think?  I’ve been contemplating them and where I am now.  Where you are at.  

White blank page.

I don’t know your interpretation or meaning, or your memories, but I feel the emotion behind it.

If you can’t trust yourself, perhaps you can learn to trust me over time. Maybe I can help you know how to fill in that white blank page.  

It is a noble impulse, to not want to harm what you love.  Hate to break it to you, there is nothing noble in disappearing.  The truth is harsh, but if you can integrate it, you will find peace.  If you stop watering a plant, does it thrive?

I want to challenge you, in the softest way I can.  

Maybe you don’t trust yourself right now.  

Do you trust me?  

I will offer a song in return to contemplate.
The Beginning.  Snow Patrol.  

This is my arena now.  Please, trust me.

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